


I'm Sorry

by NiallWh0rean



Series: I'm Sorry/Forgiven [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, References to Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:25:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiallWh0rean/pseuds/NiallWh0rean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is kind of a weird series. this is one of two "sister" stories, or at least that's what I'm calling them. they're the same story told from 2 separate POV's. this is Harry's. please let me know if you like it, I'm particularly proud of this one :3</p>
    </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of a weird series. this is one of two "sister" stories, or at least that's what I'm calling them. they're the same story told from 2 separate POV's. this is Harry's. please let me know if you like it, I'm particularly proud of this one :3

**-Harry’s POV-**

 

This is scary.

 

I’m terrified, but I’m ready.

 

This is probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but luckily the dead don’t tend to remember.

 

 I’m sitting on the cold tiled floor in  the bathroom of the flat I share with Louis. I’ve got a bottle of painkillers on the floor in front of me, along with a pad of paper, pen, and a glass of water.

 

It’s about 3 am. I figured this would be the best time, Lou wouldn’t be up for another few hours.

 

I don’t really know how long the pills will take to kill me, but I’m hoping it will be fairly quick. So I decide to write my note first.

 

I want to keep it short, not go into too much detail. With shaking hands, I pick up the pen wand write carefully:

 

_Louis,_

_I love you. Please don’t ever forget that. I know right now you’re probably wondering why I did this, and I think you deserve an explanation. I’ve never been a very happy person. You know that. That’s part of why I love you, you’re always happy. You always knew exactly what to say to bring up my spirits. But lately, not even you could help. I’m broken, Lou. I’m absolutely shattered and I don’t want to leave you to pick up the pieces. I know I sound so strong right now, but I’m not, and you would know better than anyone. I’m scared as hell right now, but I know I have to do this. I know that this will make me happy. Please remember that I will forever be watching over you._

_I love you Louis, more than you could ever know._

 

_-Harry xx_

 

I carefully rip the sheet of paper off the pad. I fold it in half neatly and place it on the counter.

 

This is it. I’m so scared, but I’m also so content. Of course I’m worried about where I’ll go now. Maybe to heaven, maybe to hell, or maybe into a world of pure blackness.

 

I open the pills and pour them onto the pad of paper. I arrange them into columns and count them. I count 142.

 

I slowly begin swallowing the pills two at a time, starting at the right of the bottom row and working my way to the left and up. I watch as the number of rows in front of me gets smaller and smaller until suddenly there are no more.

 

Somewhere around 60 my fingers and toes started to go numb. The numbness has worked it’s way up my arms and legs, and finally I feel it settling into my chest. My vision begins to blur, and my head is fuzzy. I can’t think straight anymore.

 

I can no longer sit up straight, so I lie down. I press my face to the cool floor, I’m burning up. The haze in my vision turns to black. The darkness moves in from the outsides of my eyes, until I can no longer see.

 

I shut my eyes.

 

All my senses seem to be shutting down. My hearing is muddled, like I’m listening from beneath a pool of water. My tongue is dry.

 

And then I feel a weight pushing on my chest, it’s hard to breathe. And then finally, I give in to the pressure. I feel the last breath escape my lungs.

 

And then nothing. Pure, peaceful, blissful, nothing.

 

* * *

 

I can hear a voice. I would recognize this voice no matter what. The voice belongs to Louis.

 

I can’t make out what he’s saying, but he sounds sad. At first I thought this may be heaven, just listening to the voice of the boy I love forever. Now I realize I must be in hell. Having to hear Louis in pain, and not being able to do anything to comfort him.

 

I can hear his voice is coming from the left of me, so I try to turn, to hold out my arms and wrap him in them, but my limbs won’t work.

 

Louis’s voice slowly begins to develop into distinct sounds, then words and fragments of sentences.

 

_“… Can’t imagine how I felt when I found you lying on that floor…”_

_“…Most important person to me…”_

_“…please wake up…”_

 

I can’t tell how much time passes between each fragment I hear. Every now and then I hear voices that don’t belong to Lou, but they’re never there for long. I’m trying to piece together where I am based on his sentences. and then something happens.

 

_“I love you Harry,”_

 

Something snaps into place in my brain. I can feel my ability to move coming back. I feel my eyes open slowly and sluggishly. My previously dark vision is flooded by a bright white.

 

“oh my god,” Louis’s voice sounds relieved. “Harry? Harry are you awake?”

 

I want to reach my arms out to him, but my arms aren’t quite responding yet. I allow my head to lull to the side.

 

“boobear?” I test my vocal chords and I’m pleased to find they work, although my voice comes out scratchy and broken.

 

“oh god, Harry I’m here.” my eyes aren’t working properly, but I can hear the tears shaking his voice. I feel his arms gently wrap around me and pull me into him. I feel a strange pulling in my arm, and I look down to see an IV sticking into the vein there. I must be in a hospital.

 

“do you really love me?” the question slips from my mouth. I’m probably on a ton of medication, I would never say that on my own.

 

“I do,” he pulls away and grabs my hands, “I love you so much.”

 

A weak smile spreads across my face. “thank you for not letting me die, Lou.”

 


End file.
